How To Pet Farm Animals For Free

I don’t want to boast, but we’re becoming quite skilled at sniffing out free activities. For example, my brother, Chris, took us to a little “pay-per-pet” animal farm, where you take a second loan on your house in order to give your child the opportunity to feed a goat some dry, pricey goat food and pick up some goat germs during the process (those are complimentary!). The husband took one look at the prices and said, “we’re outta here!” We knew the animals were behind fences… and those fences were next to the sidewalk, so we thought, “hey, let’s see if we can let a goat lick our palms for free!”

What do you know, as we walked around to the back and strolled over to the fences, five zillion farm animals popped their cute little heads over and started fighting over the chance to lick our palms and eat the much healthier wild grass growing over the barrier.

We fed goats, ponies, sheep, maybe a lama or two… can’t remember since it is all a farm-scented blur to me now. The kids went wild with excitement and nobody seemed to care that we were breaking several federal and state laws.

	“Hey children, let me show you how it’s done. See that goat? You can feed it for FREE!”
	Me: “Oh my goodness, we’re going to jail!”
	Sophia: “This is the coolest thing ever, and it’s free!” Papa: ::proud smile::
	Me “Hurry up and feed them before the police get here and arrest us all!”
	Goat: “Thank you for the real food, little girl. I get tired of eating Goat Nugget Supreme all day.” Bella: “I wonder if this goat will eat that old Coke can over there. Hmmm.”
	Goat #2: “Hey, where’s my grub?”
	Miniature Pony #1: ::crying:: “Why do we have to be so short!? We’ll never get a taste of that deliciousness growing on the other side of the wall!” Miniature Pony #2: “Stop your crying, Spanky. Now where did the groundskeeper put that step ladder?”
	And the animals continued to gather at the wall as those foolish humans paid tons of money to get into the farm only to be ignored by them. Oh, the irony.
	Clara: “Yeah, right, you won’t bite my fingers off! Do I look dumb to you?”
	Last goat to make it to the wall: “Pleeeeease little human boy… please feeeeed meeee!” Ben: “I’m tired of goats. Where are the turkeys?”
	Looking at turkeys… … FOR FREE! And thus ends our lesson on how to pet —and look at — animals for free.

Tagged as: animals, family, free things to do, salt lake city, theme parks, utah